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  1. it took me a long while to feel it again. i've felt it for like 3 weeks over now. but i guess i am going to pull back before i push myself to far deep inside.

    because i know how prone am i to be stuck in a situation like that and would probably take me like a year to get out from.

    i thought it back, we've always been like this just not that frequent as it is now. i guess it is myself who over done it and over analysed it. i am sick and tired of feeling what i am going to dread that would happen.

    so isn't better not to give it any room to ever let it happen? i am afraid. very afraid of it.

    some say things would prolly work out the way you want it to tho i myself think so but every single one before this, i also thought it would, but it always proved me wrong.

    you are just being a good friend i guess. and i am being a silly girl who takes things abit too seriously than it should be.

    i can't wait months anymore. it has only been days and i've already bombard my mind with all sorts of assumptions that may never ever be true. making myself stare blankly at something and flash through my mind with all the ifs and buts and thus not sleeping.

    i don't know what am i doing anymore.

    i know i am going to miss this so much when i stop but i guess it is for the better. or at least i hope i am actually able of putting a complete stop to it. i think i am better off not feeling anything just like the past year that i've spent here.

    i am just torturing myself by torturing my mind.

    at this point, i think that even if tearing it all out and hoping to forget about it is useless. because i don't see it working at all.

    life is better off not wanting more and hope too much.

    i've been telling myself this time after time, but i don't seem to learn from it. i am being too stubborn to not believe that every single time it would always turn out to be like this.

    no one could help.

    but i know if i ever hear your voice again, i would have all of this repeat itself again. all it would take is to hear your voice again. and all of this which i just wrote would be crap. i just know it, deep down in my heart that all it would take is just this little bit of you.

    what a way to end my night.

    all this came up when it is only weeks, i can't imagine thinking about months.


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