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  1. Life in books.

    Friday, April 03, 2015

    Recently I have picked up reading again.

    Mainly because I am nearing my data cap limit of 1GB on my phone. So instead of surfing through Instagram and Facebook during my free time out of WiFi coverage ie. on the train journey to work or uni, I am now hooked to books because it occupies my time and my mind floats into this world where everything has a happy ending. Well at least the books I have been reading has happy endings.

    I only read romance books. Yes, I am still a sucker for it.

    It still melts my heart and make me go all googly eyes whenever I read them :)

    Why does relationship of couples in books seem so perfect? The guys are always described to be the perfectest in every possible way. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with my relationship at all. In fact it's still as great <3 But I just can't help to envy relationship in books. I guess, romance in books are fiction after all and authors tend to swerve into penning out their ideal and perfect relationship in their minds.

    But seriously tho, can't blame a girl like me for fantasizing and dreaming about these perfect relationship and perfect people. I am already turning 24 this year and I still sound like a teenager when it comes to this :P

    One thing that has hit me recently with all the reading is how much I want an adventure out in the world. I want to go and see the world. Experience the different people and culture.

    Other people may experience this when they are in uni and eventho I am in a foreign land these past few years, I feel like I haven't got the adventure and the experience that I should. Don't get me wrong, I am totally and VERY grateful to be under aunty D's roof and have her take me in without any repayment and just out of kindness and love.

    But at the back of my mind, I can't help but to think, I didn't really get to experience the life of a proper international student. I didn't go through the process of finding a place on my own or even have a roommate or housemate. I don't mix with anyone from uni because I don't live nearby and I don't stick around long enough for events.

    Yes, I know I should have make more initiatives but at the start I felt as tho I didn't need to mix around with people in uni because outside of uni I have these amazing friends that came with me from home. And so I took it for granted and grew lazy to socialize with people outside of my little bubble of friendship that I have already had. Now, everyone has pretty much left Melbourne which means, my friends are gone within reach. Then at times like this, I ask myself, why didn't I mix around more at the start? It's too late to regret it. Altho, now, I still feel like I don't need to venture out there yet because I have the boyfriend. And for most times, I feel like he is enough. But sometimes......., I feel like I need more.

    Such complicated thoughts..., I know. A girl's mind as people say, is complicated.

    At this stage of my life, I regret not going to an even more foreign land that I barely know anyone so then it pushes me to put myself out there and maybe then my experience and adventure would have been different. I didn't jump to that option at all when I was younger because it was scary and alone. But now that I am experiencing this, I think going somewhere on my own might have been scary but it might not be alone. At least the chances of it ending up as lonely as it is now may be avoidable.

    I can't help but to think, why do I carry more than a couple of regrets in my life? =/

    I guess, life is all about the commitments and decisions based on current situations and capabilities and not just based on what you want. As much as I wanted it to pan out another way, at that point in time, this was the best decision I could have made for myself. And the best thing I was provided with.

    And so, I vow this to myself, when I have the chance to have an adventure and to fulfil my dreams and wishes, I WILL take it.

    I want to do it for myself before I get too old for it and before commitments of my own come rolling in and overwhelm me until I can never selfishly just only think for myself. Because then, I will have to factor everyone else in the decision making processes.

    I will definitely see the world one day just as I have imagined it to be. One way or another. I won't let myself have it any other way. This, I promise. To me.


  2. Hey,

    So, I haven't took any time in the past six months(?) to sit down and properly write about life.

    And after indulging myself into four books in the past four days, I really felt the pang of how much I really do miss having current events documented and so, one day I could relive them like how I relive stories in books...

    Ever since I felt out of this blogging thing, I feel like my life doesn't have as much colours as it used to be. Figuratively not literally. I mean times in Malaysia were as colourful as it gets and some of my day to day life is still very much as amazing and wonderful as it is but because I never document them enough, I feel like there isn't enough evidence of how colourful it is or was.

    I used to be able to remember details of a day so vividly but now it is starting to slip through my fingers. I barely take much time to remember things to the detail because I don't have that thought of blogging about every littlest detail in the back of my mind anymore. So, evidently, I don't need to remember these little details.

    I know how much I have sunk into the world of moving pictures and videos and movies and series. I should start calling it as in addiction. I have literally SUNK in and it's hard for me to even get out of it because to be really honest, I haven't got the need and pull to get out of it just yet.

    And because I have been occupying my time more on those things, I don't blog anymore. I literally don't have the push or spare time to document my life anymore. And I truly am sad about that.

    Because I know if I would have done it consistently and not push it away and procrastinate it, I would have enjoyed and not dread it the way I do now.

    If you guys do get what I mean...

    Anyhoos, nowadays my life has pretty much been monotonous.

    Doing my last unit in university. My close friend count in uni is still zero. Life in Melbourne still alternates between aunty D's place and Clayton. The boyfriend is pretty much the only constant person I see ever so often apart from aunty D. I still go on my shopping days and shopping clicks as I have always had. Am never letting that go. Not yet. I don't go out for brunches anymore and the last one would probably be last year before I went back to Malaysia for holidays. Started a casual waitress/cashier job about a month ago. And lastly, am feeling a little grateful that I have my close friend back, not that I've lost him but we just were in different places and catching up often just didn't happen. And not naming, I shall not make him gloat further.

    The ONLY thing that is super exciting and something that I just seriously can't wait for is, Japan in August with some high school buddies. It's concrete and official because tickets are already a done deal :D UGH I SERIOUSLY CANNOT WAIT!!!!

    That's pretty much life for me right now. Same old same old but still a little different.

    Sometimes I really do think, although I am more or less seeing the light at the end of my tunnel, I still feel like I am still stagnant over the years. Everyone is moving so far ahead and it feels like I've just been left behind.

    OMG I am really not sure where this post is heading at all. I just typed what I felt with literally no order of any kind. Not sure what of a moment is this that I have having or feeling. But typing about it sure makes me feel a little better..

    Probably should be signing off now. Reflection on life sure hits at the oddest time.