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  1. it was dark. a dark saturday for us.

    Monday, January 30, 2012

    it was one crazy weekend.

    i was suppose to go out and have fun and laugh about stuffs and catch up with friends and do what normally people do on weekends. blog about stuff, skype, shopping, chinese new year dinners and a whole lot of other happy stuff.

    but.. my weekend was not at all happy. painful in fact.

    received a shocking call on saturday morning and literally saw the world of my family went into darkness. a loud cry woke me up. and before i knew it, i was in tears as well.

    it was a passing of a very close aunty whom i truly love. tho i don't see her often, she was significant in my life. in all of our lives.

    it was hard. sudden as well. because she was as per normal the day before and had a hearty lunch with some of my family and she was really fine...

    no one had seen this coming. she wasn't even 60. but i guess it was in a way a better thing for her. she had been going in and out of the hospital but it wasn't a serious thing yet.. hmm i guess it was rather that she didn't have to suffer on the later years to come i guess.. but still.. it was so sudden that none of us could accept.

    i drove back to raub saturday morning cause it was only me and mum at home. was back in raub close to 11am.

    on the way home, all i could think of is my grandma. she lost a daughter and i lost a close aunty. we lost a dear family member. the moment i walked in the house, i walked up to her and told her that everything will be okay. and that she has to be strong. it was hard. i hugged her and we were both in tears. everytime someone comforts her, she cries. it was really hard..

    everyone seemed lost.

    tho my grandfather passed away when i was a year old, there isn't any memory in me on how it felt like. but this, i just saw her last week and sat beside her and was debating over the fact that she gave me too much money in the angpau. we had lunch together on the second day of new year. she was walking and talking. and we were laughing together..

    it is still hard for me to accept the fact that i won't see her the next time i am back from melbourne anymore. i won't hear her voice over the phone anymore.

    but i guess the most we could ask for is a peaceful leaving. and she left peacefully in her sleep. without any suffering and pain.


    i saw her for the last time that saturday afternoon. she looked peaceful and calm. every single time i picked up the joysticks to pray before her, tears will roll down my cheeks. everyone was the same. we spent the whole day sitting around the house and helping out. whenever a memory comes flashing by, we see ourselves in tears.

    sending her off on sunday was tough as well. walking behind the car and holding on to mum and just knowing that this is it, it was painful. the long and slow stroll behind the car felt short because that was it. the last of it. there wasn't anymore if it.

    no doubt we ended the day with a feast and laughing through things, but in all of us, we were putting up a mask to cover the pain. i covered it with the amount of food i ate over the weekend. we've all came to terms that she's in a better place and at least, she doesn't have to go through any suffering days. and for that, we see this as a good thing. but still, none of us is ready to let her go.

    looking at my cousins and uncle, her family, i can't help but to tear even harder. i can't imagine being in their shoes. i really can't...

    this was a harsh reality for me. i've never been so close to someone's death and this was really harsh. i can't lose anybody in the family anymore tho i know it is inevitable. but i just can't.

    i kept on telling my grandma to take care. and that things will be fine. she has to be fine. i've also became naggy towards mum and told my mum that she has to take care of herself as well. she has to.

    sometimes when some harsh reality kicks in, is when we appreciate people around us. it is never too late. i will appreciate.

    until right now, everything is still so surreal to me. i guess i've gotta slowly let time bring me through it. bring all of us through it.

    my dearest aunty molly, may you rest in peace. you are in a better place now and your memories lies deep within us forever. you are always in our hearts. <3

    lots and lots of love always,

  2. an origami heart envelope.

    Thursday, January 26, 2012

    it has been so long since i last posted something proper up. i've been so busy.. i have all these pictures in my phone ready to be blogged but i am hardly having the time to sit down and get the posts sorted. taiwan and cny posts.

    when i am free i'll either be eating, sleeping, skyping or catching up with my series.

    i promise promise i'll get this sorted out soon! (which i have no idea when is soon because i am all booked up for dinner till this weekend with all the cny dinners) and also some friends leaving on the 6th, i need to have some more catching up as well.

    and most importantly, in between all this events planned for after work, i need my skype sessions with dear...<3 and also some time for me to prepare something and get it mailed out by next wednesday. nouuuuu i barely have much time left!

    at work pula, i am only left with another 8 working days to finish up the work given to me. omaiii how to finish laaaaa?!!

    yes, i want time to pass faster so that i could go back but no, i need more time to do all these things. actually all i need is a longer next week. give me 6 working days instead of 4. and longer nights for me to prepare a gift. then i can be all set to head back to melbourne. i even packed all my clothes back in my suitcase already. hehe

    i promise i'll be back with something proper next!

    this is just a quick writeup to announce i am still alive but just too occupied with "stuffs."


  3. let me wish for a blink of an eye.

    Tuesday, January 17, 2012

    enough said.

    feels like i've already had my fair share of here. looking forward to returning to you. 33 days and there i shall be. with you. <3<3

    with lots of love,

  4. i've been so caught up over the weekends which resulted in me not writing about taiwan. i promise i'll get to it! latest by end of this week ((:

    i am getting lazier on posting long posts as there will be tonnes of pictures and all the rearranging and all that stuffs is tedious.. haha

    caught up over the weekend with what? with this..


    had a long two hour break and headed over to klcc as i had to collect my pay cheque over in menara maxis.

    my lunch (: otak puff from coffee and spice. awesome stuff!

    had a whole two and a half hour lunch break cause the guy delayed on giving me my pay cheque hence being late back to work and me being just "an intern", no one notice if i am around or gone. so yea =D

    after work i was feeling so so hungry. and this is tea time (: for two. haha roti jala was mine.

    after that, headed up to genting for a family thing. we had like 10 rooms to ourselves up in resort hotel. which is super duper alot and yea.. its a family thing. haha

    but before that, dinner at bukit tinggi.

    this was the only picture of food that i took. Prawns with glass noodle.
    i was too hungry after that to even bother snapping anymore pictures. hehe =P

    it was pretty misty that night. temperature was 17 degrees. which was not too bad (: make me miss the cold in melbourne so much..

    went for a walk and spotted a place with the whole entire KL view.

    it may be small but it was pretty (:
    everywhere i go, i wish that you were there with me.. =/

    then the whole family headed over to coffee bean for supperrrrrr...!


    especially this. macadamia honey yogurt cheesecake =D

    didn't go in to the casino that night. just went for a walk and went back to the room. and crashed. i so love resort hotel's rooms. i was too tired that night to snap pictures of it. by the time i remembered it was already morning and all messed up. hehe


    all set to head back down.

    lunch in sri gombak.

    damn good laksa ((((:

    while on the way back to cousin's place at wangsa maju. we stopped by somewhere nearby before reaching to get this yao yao bing thingy.

    longan flavoured.

    and bubur cha cha.

    my tummy was uber happy that afternoon. hehe =PPP

    had a poker session that night till like 2 ish in the morning? my family is pretty happening.. haha! so gonna miss this when i go back to melbourne...


    woke up bout 12 ish? stayed in bed to catch up with vampire diaries, greys anatomy and private practice. nowadays my laptop is always on my bed so i've been catching up on my series in bed as well. haha

    then went out to some al-ikhsan outlet along federal highway? and then stopped by the A&W next door for float!

    and curly fries. yums!

    i had those right after eating a packet of char kuey teow in the car. hahaha!

    otw back to subang, there was this jam going on and it turns out to be,

    a water pipe burst on the side of the highway. looks pretty crazy... the picture was taken while we were already up on the ramp. so yea..

    dropped by summit after that. managed to shop for a top. and i had no idea summit was actually a lil crowded. since when?!

    spent the whole night in the car and in mont kiara at someone's place. was only home about 930pm for dinner. had nice homemade curry pan mee! =DDDD

    the night ended for me at exactly 12am. totally wiped out.


    was dreading the alarm tone this morning.. back to work.. )):

    received my maxis ID card today.

    i finally can walk in and out of the department without actually troubling someone to open it for me. yay!

    today's lunch. spicy chicken sausage sandwich.

    mum fried some rice for dinner tonight.

    after dinner headed over to ss15 for a short yumcha session. with ferns, yao yun, en lin, jo and robin. we were at lorong (:

    ordered maggi goreng and milo shake tambah banana ((:


    i still can't help but to always stop by and read and know whatever that is going on. is this a feeling of insecure or some sort of assurance? i have no idea. i feel awful everytime i stop by. whether is it awful that i can never tell you about it or feel awful for you that the life i am reading about is one of your dark place or i am just plain jealous or that i am worried.

    i don't know....

    tell me, why can't i stop? and tell me why do you have to like everything that i do?!! wth...!



    one tree hill is back!! tho its the last season... )): but i am a little confuse over the first episode... shall see how it goes later on.. i am excited!

    my series addiction started with one tree hill. its been a long long time..

    "People say Hell is endless. They say it's our worst nightmare, the face of our darkness. But whatever it is, however it is, I say Hell is empty, and all the devils are here." -Nathan Scott

    the quote is somewhat very true... hmmm..

    nonetheless, it isn't all about the negativity for me.

    so so i shall end this with a more happier news....!

    I or i should say WE are going to Gold Coast during easter!!!! =DDDDDD

    omg i am so so so excited!!! tickets are bought for 5 at this moment. Me, Teck Wei, Yao Yun, Audrey and Wei Ping! =DDDD wheeeeeeeeeee~!!

    much love,

  5. its just one of "those moments".

    Thursday, January 12, 2012

    those moments where you can't stand yourself. and getting all bitter inside.
    you have no idea...... =/

    i want to kill somebody right now... if only it was that easy.

    please god.. new year resolution #5, let me be stronger. i need to be less dependant. i don't want it to be too late and then, that time i'll have to learn it the hard way. no please.

    p/s i realise now i am becoming a total whiner when it is the time of the month. it just feels like i've totally lost control of being who i am the rest 21 days of the month. bad. real bad.

    don't tolerate because it is that unreasonable.

    seriously???! when have i slowly inclined towards the category of females that seriously pisses me off?

    life is a big joke right now. at this moment.

  6. if only time was in my hands..

    Wednesday, January 11, 2012

    back at work today. it wasn't something that i was looking forward to but oh well.. i've still gotta do it.

    taiwan was great. it would have been awesome if i would have gotten more free and easy time to shop around and eat around. everything was cheap and buying things at less than RM80 seriously litted me up. haha

    i'll try and see when i get can the post up and running. by end of this week i hope? hehe

    thank god for free wifi in the hotel in taiwan. which allowed me to catch a glimpse of you every night. i may be seeing into this too much but you are apart of my everyday. so yes. it has to be everyday (:

    taiwan.... people were friendly. shopping was great and food was nice too. my only complain, the time wasn't enough. haha

    adding another 2012 resolution to the list..
    - never to forget. never to forget family nor to forget friends.

    i felt bad that i came back from taiwan empty handed for anybody at home except bringing back some food. its like i want to share how happy i am on the things i bought but on the other hand, i feel so bad to even wanna share as i bought them nothing..

    and i feel bad too for not seeing kiat before he left to norway.. ): if only i made the initiative.. sorry my friend! i'll make it up to you the next time i see you which i have no idea when, but i sure will make it up to you!

    was watching a movie halfway on the flight back yesterday..

    one day.

    downloaded it after i got back and finished the remaining half. you should by now know that i am a sucker for love stories and this was just beautiful. two best friends who only got together after almost 20 years and was so so happy together. they were soulmates. they both had their own lives, married and had kids or had a long term boyfriend but in the end yet the ones they really wanted to spend their lives with were with each other. aww.. if only love like that exist in my world...

    but it ended sad. that will be sad ending #1.

    went out for movie with mum and cousins at tropicana city mall. tho that had a sad ending, it was also a crappy ending. so it doesn't count as #2.

    couldn't resist but to know what happened on grey's anatomy since it was left off with a hanging scene last year. so i watched it before i went to bed and that was sad ending #2 and #3.. ): there is only so much death stories i can take in a day. went to bed feeling so miserable...

    death is the one thing no one can fight to outbid. life.


    p/s happy belated birthday to lim qi hong!

  7. a random reminisce.

    Friday, January 06, 2012

    currently sitting in an almost empty office. its like 9am already but there is barely anyone. no one means no work yet and i happen to be suddenly in the mood of reminiscing 2011.

    2011 means only one thing to me. which is you <3 you were the most important thing that happened this year. everything started so spontaneously between us. and it had been one very interesting year too. i've learn to be someone whom i've never been given the chance to be in the past 20 years of my life. i've learnt to not only put my family first but also to put you first before myself. i was terrified at the beginning of last year because i have no experience what so ever on how to make this work. in my mind everything had to be perfect. and because i was trying too hard to make it perfect, i started by burdening my mind with all these thoughts on how things should be rather than letting it flow as time progresses.

    which resulted in a hard slap on my face and i had the most horrifying breakdown that i've never ever experience before and happened during the beginning of my first semester back in melbourne. heartbreak. literally.

    i fought back because i saw us slipping away from my hands and a chance to start over again was given to me. this time i've learnt that i can't make this perfect. instead of the need i used to have on announcing to the world about us and what we are, being happy together is what matters most. from then on, i became a happier person after fully understanding that a status just isn't significant in a relationship. i was happy and we were happy.

    letting lose was one of the best decision i've ever made. as time passed by, things started to fall into place towards the 'perfect' i was forcing on happening before. all the more reason i understood better that perfect would come eventually and it could never be forced. day by day, i learn how to be there for someone, be honest and always solve my problems and doubts with him. i learnt how to maintain a long term relationship with someone. and i learnt how to cook too haha!

    now, i am contented with what we have. in the journey of a relationship, there is no doubt that it won't be a smooth sail, and by hitting a couple of hiccups along the way is when we learn how to stay together and overcome it together. hopefully we will have many more years to come, to sail through this amazing journey together (:

    studies wise, it had been one hell of a year. it wasn't great. i literally felt like it was rock bottom for me. until a point i hated uni so much. i hated the people. i hated everything. i broke down twice last year and i felt like i was on the verge of giving up. but thinking about holding that certificate in my hands right at the end of it proves that i am tough and capable and proud, tells me that i have to pull myself back up and continue on with pride. despite all that pride i am saying, somehow somewhere deep in me has given up a little. ):

    BUT in 2012, i have to start pulling myself up and strive hard for that damn certificate!! i can't wait to leave the exam journey behind. can't wait to get out of the exam stress. tho no one will know if i'll continue on the study path after my degree. even i don't know. but if you ask me right now, i am going to say i won't. haha

    other than that, every other thing had been great last year. friends are still as close. except a few. and i've also learnt that i can't mend everything. i just gotta accept how things turns out and move on from it eventho it is a sad thing to watch when two close friends fall apart. hmm =/ happier note, i have amazing friends! and one thing, i am really happy that my friendship with them are still as close. they are my keepers for life. tho everyone are scattered around the globe, but once we are united back together, it is as tho we've never left. all the fun times are back to how it was. now, that's a lifetime friendship. =D

    moving on to the family, everyone is healthy and we've got much closer together. which is such a blessing. spending the last couple of days of 2011 staying home and spending time together was one of the best things. despite seeing all the pictures of how i was suppose to spend new years eve with friends if i would have accepted the invitation, being home was where my heart was this year. one of the things i miss when i am in melbourne is my family gatherings. family gatherings are always a huge and fun thing and its all about food. new year's eve was spent with 18 bottles of hoegaarden, poker, satay, lamb chop, noodle and a whole lot of laughters. nothing beats having your family lighting up your house with so much laughters. what more could i have asked for?

    and before i went to bed on the first morning of 2012, my phone rang with your name and picture on it. so yea the start of 2012 was pretty damn awesome for me. =D

    my 2012 resolution:
    - study harder. i really need to buck up!
    - lose weight ((: every girl's resolution. hahahaha
    - keep us going happily

    2012, please be nice to me. so much will be happening this year. gold coast during easter. eventhough the tickets hasn't been purchased, but we are so going!! our 1st anni. my 21st. hong kong and macau trip. have i mention that i absolutely love hong kong? its my asia's NY. because it's by far the country i've been to that the city and lights are so beautiful! people's graduation. yao yun, cherly, loong, khai shien and teck wei. and my dear, lets go philip island for a weekend together! hahaha just saying. ((:

    lots of love,

    ** this post was written on the 4th of january's super boring morning

    i am not sure myself why i am deciding on scheduling this post to publish tonight. which is a day and a half later. hmmm....

    anyways, i think i should be happily roaming the streets of taiwan and eating non stop right now. so much for my losing weight resolution hahah! =PP