ps : i heart you ♥

Recently I have picked up reading again.

Mainly because I am nearing my data cap limit of 1GB on my phone. So instead of surfing through Instagram and Facebook during my free time out of WiFi coverage ie. on the train journey to work or uni, I am now hooked to books because it occupies my time and my mind floats into this world where everything has a happy ending. Well at least the books I have been reading has happy endings.

I only read romance books. Yes, I am still a sucker for it.

It still melts my heart and make me go all googly eyes whenever I read them :)

Why does relationship of couples in books seem so perfect? The guys are always described to be the perfectest in every possible way. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with my relationship at all. In fact it's still as great <3 But I just can't help to envy relationship in books. I guess, romance in books are fiction after all and authors tend to swerve into penning out their ideal and perfect relationship in their minds.

But seriously tho, can't blame a girl like me for fantasizing and dreaming about these perfect relationship and perfect people. I am already turning 24 this year and I still sound like a teenager when it comes to this :P

One thing that has hit me recently with all the reading is how much I want an adventure out in the world. I want to go and see the world. Experience the different people and culture.

Other people may experience this when they are in uni and eventho I am in a foreign land these past few years, I feel like I haven't got the adventure and the experience that I should. Don't get me wrong, I am totally and VERY grateful to be under aunty D's roof and have her take me in without any repayment and just out of kindness and love.

But at the back of my mind, I can't help but to think, I didn't really get to experience the life of a proper international student. I didn't go through the process of finding a place on my own or even have a roommate or housemate. I don't mix with anyone from uni because I don't live nearby and I don't stick around long enough for events.

Yes, I know I should have make more initiatives but at the start I felt as tho I didn't need to mix around with people in uni because outside of uni I have these amazing friends that came with me from home. And so I took it for granted and grew lazy to socialize with people outside of my little bubble of friendship that I have already had. Now, everyone has pretty much left Melbourne which means, my friends are gone within reach. Then at times like this, I ask myself, why didn't I mix around more at the start? It's too late to regret it. Altho, now, I still feel like I don't need to venture out there yet because I have the boyfriend. And for most times, I feel like he is enough. But sometimes......., I feel like I need more.

Such complicated thoughts..., I know. A girl's mind as people say, is complicated.

At this stage of my life, I regret not going to an even more foreign land that I barely know anyone so then it pushes me to put myself out there and maybe then my experience and adventure would have been different. I didn't jump to that option at all when I was younger because it was scary and alone. But now that I am experiencing this, I think going somewhere on my own might have been scary but it might not be alone. At least the chances of it ending up as lonely as it is now may be avoidable.

I can't help but to think, why do I carry more than a couple of regrets in my life? =/

I guess, life is all about the commitments and decisions based on current situations and capabilities and not just based on what you want. As much as I wanted it to pan out another way, at that point in time, this was the best decision I could have made for myself. And the best thing I was provided with.

And so, I vow this to myself, when I have the chance to have an adventure and to fulfil my dreams and wishes, I WILL take it.

I want to do it for myself before I get too old for it and before commitments of my own come rolling in and overwhelm me until I can never selfishly just only think for myself. Because then, I will have to factor everyone else in the decision making processes.

I will definitely see the world one day just as I have imagined it to be. One way or another. I won't let myself have it any other way. This, I promise. To me.

Love,
shereena.