ps : i heart you ♥

nowadays there is like an automatic alarm clock in me. it will ring once at 12 something and around 1 oclock for the second time. it just depends whether do i want to get up from bed.

3 hours just passed like that. all i did was reading blogs, checking up on my downloads, ate a little, watched a bit of nanny diaries, lied on the couch, thought too much, emoed, listened to some songs and reading a website published by gay writers.

i suddenly felt that my house feels so quiet and empty. i am just like a nobody that sits in the corner that taps on the wireless network.

i feel that my back pains are coming back on me. just some slight twitches.

my mind is wandering so much. thinking about my birthday whether will i have the wishes i want. thinking about the day i leave. thinking about my life is melbourne. thinking about you.

everything about you is suppose to fcking leave me. but why? i've been nagged soo much, lectured, telling how much it is not worth, telling me how pathetic i am, how stupid i am, wasting 2 years, wasting my youth BUT it doesnt make much difference to how i am now.

as much as i know all those are true, my heart just doesnt want to say goodbye yet. i've felt foolish. i've felt stupid. i've felt unworthy. i've felt unbothered and uncared. so?

i've never been dreaming so much.

i guess at this point of time, hot guys are the only ones that will keep my mind off certain matters.

i dont know.