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  1. confession.

    Monday, June 06, 2011

    exams are halfway through. in the mess of all these studies, i'll come to question myself with everything. why didn't i put as much effort during classes? why did i neglect everything and always without fail tell myself there is always time? but at the end, i wish i could chase back those times where i've been pushing away.

    i really hate exams. i don't like the stress i put myself through. partly.. well more than partly because i put no stress on myself until the very last minute when it is approaching me and about to give me a smack on my face. then the smack comes and shake me awake and remind me that the clock is ticking.

    seems like this is the one thing i never learn as years go by. the one thing i never take the real discipline and determination on changing. yes, i will tell myself that i must.. i have to do it but at the end of the day, regrets still comes along because all of that was just blank words with no actions.

    20 years and i don't think i've ever say that oh yeah i am prepared for exam already. don't even have to study much the night before. never in my life.

    i'll always be the person who slogs through the last few days before exam and after sitting for the exam i'll pray that what i've done was enough. enough to pass and never have to come up with another $2.7k.

    with all that has been said, doubt this person i am will change. i'll always be who i've always been. people say you have to change for the better. you can change if you want to. but.. i don't see myself being any different eventho i do know what is it in me that needs amendments.

    i guess thats what makes me stand on a different level with people who have flying colours results throughout their lives. me? someone who just wishes she'll pass through everything and then get a job and worry about the life coming up.. later.

    i've said to myself, i'll never wanna do anything further than a degree. but well who knows what life will throw at you in the future right. for now, thats what i've gotta say. no more studying after i am done with my degree.

    i still have two papers on the way. saturday 5.15pm will be my happiest day for the semester. now, i shall try my very best to conquer the two subjects with my time left. wish me luck.


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