ps : i heart you ♥

i never thought i would still tear over a post i posted 5 months ago. i think if i wouldn't have so much of empty times by myself where it gives me sooo many chances to think and think and thus jumble up all my thoughts and make the worse out of it, i don't think i will actually tear anymore over that.

it wasn't anything significant anymore as far as i could tell.

now i have a new goal. hopefully i will achieve it. i need to start looking forward and aim for something and work towards it and stop sitting there lazily and watch my series.

i was saying to a friend that i wasn't ready to feel again what i felt a few months back. i guess i am being afraid to commit to anything. afraid of the outcome because time after time it always proves my predictions right.

i am very tired of being that person. that person that gives so much and also hope to get something in return but the hopes will always end up with a disappointment.

all that happened really scared me. stuffs that happened gave me very bad judgements and made me so afraid to feel again.

my choices and judgements were already bad for myself. now it is getting worse. how am i going to trust myself in making anymore decision or even just to choose anymore?

it is just so hard to keep up with the pace of life nowadays. its like i am dreading over whatever that is going to happen next.

dreading over people i'll meet, studies that are coming along, feelings that i would feel. its like i am making the worse out of all this. like the success won't be significant at all.

i always take in everything by myself and try my hardest to digest it all but how long would i manage by myself?


but this thought always hides behind my mind. "becareful of what you wish for"~

i guess all this obstacles and thoughts and happenings just makes out life. life is full of crap yet full of the unexpected and also full of hopes.

shereena.