ps : i heart you ♥

its already 3.47 am. i have soo much in mind till i refuse to go to bed. i feel so worked up and my mind is like so cramp and pack with so many disturbing thoughts.

i had a chat with my uncle during dinner. it hit me with so many different throught. the happy and the sad.

what if one day a family isnt a family anymore? what if that laughters and love and bondings were all there just because of money?

what if one day someone who i treasure most and treated as someone so close, so loved just walks out of my life when there isnt money anymore.

what if what he said was right?

i refuse to even think that it would actually happen. why does money always has to be the root of all good and evil? i am so afraid that one day all this will happen.

i mean what else worse could possibly happen when i already lost one of my closest. i just dont want to lose another. i dont want everything to be bounded because of money.

i sure hope none of this are ever going to happen but what if?

my life isnt screwed up but people in it screws up. and sometimes coming to think of it, the more i dread, the more it will happen.

there will never ever be happy endings. just different endings to a story and you yourself label whether is it happier compared to the other endings. its the happiest ending but doesnt mean it really is very happy.

but yet, i saw smiles and laughter behind all the sadness. i saw the happy part. i saw a big group of family having a gathering, sitting down there laughing and joking around. there is always a get together for a small gathering. nice food and laughters.

thats the part i really hope happens instead. it doesnt need to be perfect. all it need is smile, joy and laughters.

i saw those smile and laughters in a family today on the train. it made me smile looking at them. i think thats enough. just a slight smile is enough.

but nowadays i really dont see much smile in myself. over my own life story. it always ends with a sigh. just sucks having to know that the worse is yet to come.

sigh.

life it just like that. it should never revolve around you only. it always involves somebody else whether you like it or not.

i am still feeling worked up. not only about the thought of the family thing but also seing how badly things turn out and seeing myself say words that i couldnt belive i did.

i hate being in the middle. it would have been so much better if i could be bias without feeling guilty. it would have been easier.